Summary

Random acts of kindness bring us together, but we hesitate. Prosociality can be a fabulous way to bring warmth back into your remote team. In this article, we discuss three simple conscious prosocial behaviours that individuals can practice in virtual workplaces. Such behaviour is often contagious, and these small acts can inspire a “pay it forward” chain, leading to increased team cohesion.

Hidden Brain, by Shankar Vedantam, is one of my favourite podcasts. Like every other episode, his recent one - “A secret source of connection” - was thought-provoking. Vedantam, along with researcher Amit Kumar explored the “prosociality paradox”. This phenomenon explains a psychological barrier many of us face when performing a random act of kindness. Here’s a paraphrasing of what I learned.

“When a potential giver can perform an act of kindness (or a prosocial act); they measure the value and success of their actions based on the competence they require; i.e. the skill or effort they take. In contrast, the receivers focus less on such objective measures of perfection. They care more about the warmth that comes with an act of kindness.”

I find this fascinating, especially for work relationships. Opportunities for prosocial behaviour are everywhere. But we probably don’t embrace them because, in our mind, they are “low competence” activities. Then again, as Vedantam and Kumar explain in the podcast, our colleagues value them more than the utility of the action.

You can’t create team cohesion in the virtual workspace on autopilot. It takes conscious acts. This podcast episode makes me think that overcoming the prosociality paradox could hold a key to this cohesion puzzle. Amit Kumar mentioned that pro-social behaviour can be contagious. When one person is kind to you, you feel like being kind to another person. This creates what we know as a “pay it forward” chain. How amazing can that be?

In today’s post, I want to share three simple examples of conscious prosocial acts that you can try out at your virtual workplace, to catalyse that “pay it forward” behaviour. 

Offer help

In a disconnected, virtual workplace, people are often shy to ask for help. Sometimes there also isn’t enough safety for people to show that they need support. So they continue to labour on with the task at hand, regardless of how frustrating it may be.

I’ve noticed in most cases that it’s only a matter of nudging people in the right direction with a few minutes of coworking. Just offer help. Of course, you don’t want to patronise someone and underestimate their skills. So ask them, “Hey, I would love to pair with you for some time to solve the problem. Would you be up for it?”. If you’re able to speed up a solution for them, you’ve modelled the behaviour you’d like to see in the workplace, where team members help each other. Who knows, maybe the next time around, the person you helped, will offer their help to someone else?

Support someone’s growth

In a long career, a team or a company is only a pit-stop. That said, we learn something from every set of teammates we work with, at each of these pit stops. Some of them even become our best friends. So why not help someone grow a bit? Can you teach them something you know? How about helping them find a shortcut to learn a skill that you took years to pick up yourself? 

When I see my colleagues passionate about learning something or growing in a certain space, I often gift them a book or a course that could teach them something. When I see them apply lessons from that book or course, it’s very gratifying. And if they pay it forward, that’s double the reward. It costs little to buy an electronic book for someone, but think of it not as the few cents you spent, but as a vehicle for the warmth you share with your teammate.

Say thanks

Gratitude is one of the most underestimated prosocial behaviours; both in personal life and at work. We think gratitude is important, but we don’t thank people enough. Amit Kumar’s research suggests that the prosociality paradox is at the heart of this anomaly. Gratitude isn’t just important for individuals who exchange it. It has consequences for the collective too.

Moreover, showing your appreciation and gratitude for something tangible your colleague did, increases the likelihood that they’ll repeat the same behaviour. Aside from paying it forward. Isn’t that enough incentive to just say thanks? 

Now there are many ways to do this. You can text a colleague one-on-one, send them a proper gratitude email, or just get on a call and talk to them. I also love praising my colleagues in public. After all, if someone’s done something I value, why not tell others about it? Especially if it helps the team? On my team, we have a “Rockstars” channel to celebrate each other. Out loud. No act is too small. And we do a little extra on this chat group. We react with the following emojis that align with our company’s values.

• 🌏 Global first

• 🦸Courageous

• 🫶🏽 Inclusivity

• 🌱 Cultivation

• 💟 Integrity

• 🦝 Curiosity

• 📈 Pursuit of excellence

• 🙌🏾 Autonomous teams

This is a low-effort, high-voltage move you can make at your workplace today. Don’t wait. Do it. 😀

There are places where a pay-it-forward chain misses a broad view, and there are others that warm your heart. But I think we can all agree that our workplaces could benefit from small acts of prosocial behaviour that become contagious. So let’s not underestimate these acts for how easy they may seem. Remember that the people we do them for may value them far more. And that is encouraging enough.